Wednesday, December 28, 2011

sleeping positions

my babycakes is 3 months young and of course, she hated it when i swaddle her to sleep. her favourite sleeping position is the starfish-style. just look at how blissful she looks with all fours spread out like that.

but look at her face when i swaddle her.

she would struggle and try to wiggle her way out of the swaddle. this one she's probably checking if i'm watching her so that she can slowly make her way out of the swaddle cloth.

success!! cheeky little bunny.

Friday, December 16, 2011

my first surgery

...and hopefully the last, insyaallah.

i underwent a laproscopy cystectomy or in layman's term (like me), an ovarian cyst removal surgery on friday, 2 december 2011. it all started when i went for my post-natal check up at Prince Court Medical Centre (PCMC) 6 weeks after delivery. my gynae did an ultrasound and found a cyst measuring at about 9cm x 6cm. that is bigger than the size of the uterus itself. she asked me if i know that i've a cyst but of course i was just as surprised myself. all along when i went for my pre-natal check up at Hospital Tawakal (HT), it was never detected by my then gynae. and i have never had any symptoms that comes with a cyst. the gynae then told us that due to its huge size, it is better to remove it. if i do not remove it, in the event that it bursts or twists, i will be in severe pain and will require and emergency operation.

there are two options to remove it, one via open surgery like a c-section and the other is via laproscopy, which means doing small incisions on the tummy. between the two methods, of course i chose the latter because recovery and healing process are easier and faster as compared to the former. we went to few other hospitals to get a 2nd and 3rd and 4th opinion and after discussing and thoroughly going through the options, payment method and whatnot, we finally decided to have the surgery done at Sime Darby Medical Centre (SDMC).
long story short, i was scheduled for the surgery on friday, 2 december 2011 at 3.30pm and it will be performed by Dr. Delaila, who is a specialist. that friday morning, i had a bowl of oats for breakfast and started to fast since 7.30am. hubby and i then sent Irene to the babysitter (which of course i cried all the way to the babysitter and all the way to SDMC).

we arrived at SDMC at about 8.45am and went to register. i've been pre-registered earlier so the process was easy.

my tag. somehow rather it felt like i just had my hospital tag removed not so long ago and now i've to wear it again *sigh*. thankfully i've got my insurance and my medical card and i am entitled to a single room but unfortunately no single rooms are available so they put me on a waiting list. even a double room was not available then so they told us to wait. too bad i can't eat or drink anything. i then went to the nursery on level 6 and managed to squeeze a pumping session. yup' i brought my bpump with me to the hospital.

at about 10ish, the reception called and told that a double room is available at the moment so i was asked to go to the ward.

then a nurse came to check my blood pressure and temperature. after that, i was prepped for surgery. by prep, i meant being shaved by the nurse. then the nurse gave me the meds to move the bowel, the one that was inserted in your anal, similar to the one you get before delivery. not a pleasant experience i must say. i was then told to take a bath using a special liquid soap given by the nurse. after i took my bath, i put on the hospital gown and the nurse cleaned my belly button. yet another unpleasant experience. you know how 'sensitive' your belly button is, right?

big bro and sil took a half day leave so that they can accompany me. notice how everyone is busy with their gadgets? hmppphh.

at about 3.30pm, the nurses then came to my room as i need to be wheeled out to the operation theater (OT). at this point, a lot of things started to play in my mind. it felt just like in the movies but the only difference is that this time it is real and i am experiencing it! the OT is at level 1 so we went in the elevator and my heart started to beat fast. before entering the OT, i was asked a few questions and then after saying goodbye and kissing hubby's hand, i was then wheeled in. hubby was only allowed to a certain point only. inside, i was put at the holding area where i was put on drip. i hate it when they poke a needle through my vein. i asked the anesthetist when will i start feeling drowsy? he said that it was merely water to prevent me from dehydration since i've been fasting since morning. i was then left alone at the holding area for a good 15minutes or so but it sure felt like the longest 15minutes ever. i started to think about all kinds of things- my parents who are still in Mekah, my babygirl, especially my babygirl and everytime i think about her, i started to well up. and then there's the thought that what if the operation went wrong? what if i did not wake up? what if i bleed profusely? even though the surgery is in between major and minor, there is, of course a risk. after all, this is my first time in the OT. i then leave it to Allah.
soon after, they wheeled me into the OT and all i can see are the big lights, some gadgets, the steel table, a big screen, just like what you see in the movies. homaigod. saspen! at one point, i even felt like aborting the surgery altogether but it was too late. i laid down on the steel table, a number of nurses came, the anesthetist put some kind of liquid in the drip and into my vein and i felt a slight pain in my vein. then i was put on the gas mask and within seconds, i totally black out. it was like magic, i kid you not.
i don't know how long the surgery was but all i know is that the nurses woke me up and said that the surgery is over. they asked me to open my eyes. i tried to open my still drowsy eyes and i can immediately feel the pain on my tummy. i remembered making a 'mengerang' sound because it was just too painful. apparently after the surgery they put me back at the holding area for observation for about 1/2 hour. after given the all clear from the doctor, i was wheeled back into my ward and it was already 6pm. too bad i had to move from the bed that they wheeled me in to the bed in the ward. i then slept until lil bro, big bro and sil came. then hubby also came after picking Irene up from the babysitter. the moment i looked at her, i felt very relieved and it was a perfect cure for my pain.


my buah hati pengarang jantung. i can't bring myself to sit up, let alone to hold her in my arms. but having her lying beside me definitely helps. it hurts so bad to even move, laugh, cough, sit. now i know how much we use our tummy muscle to move about. the nurse would come by every now and then to check my temperature and blood pressure. at about 12am the doctor came and checked my condition. she also gave me the picture of the cyst that was removed together with a dvd of the procedure.

i have four of these plasters on my tummy. one on the left of my belly button, one on the right, one on the belly button itself and another one below the belly button.

this is where the drip was inserted.

on the right side, a tube with this container was attached to my tummy. this is to drain the darah kotor. i had to lug this container everytime i move. going to the toilet hurts like hell that i need the assistance of the nurse every single time. i need their help to help pull me up and out of bed and even to walk. i can't imagine the pain that women who had c-section had to go through. the next morning, when i woke up, not only does it hurt so bad, but my boobs were engorged too because i haven't pumped out the milk and my baby hasn't been feeding. so make that triple the pain! thankfully i have my pump with me.

these two persons especially, kept me strong. i felt soo sayu upon seeing hubby with my baby. the funny thing is, i've prepared her clothes, which ones to wear during the day, which ones to wear at night but of course, hubby put her in her sleepsuit. when asked, why put her in her baju tidur? hubby said 'kan hospital sejuk, pakai baju tangan panjanglah'. cute. and it does make sense. until today i still wonder why the hell hospitals have to be so damn cold anyway??

two nights without mummy and she had a scratch on her nose. hmpph. anyway i never got my single room. SDMC is almost always full huh? i was then discharged on sunday, 4 december 2011. alhamdulillah. serik ok! the tummy still hurts the first few days and i had to walk really slowly but soon the pain subsides and i resumed life back to normal. i got 3 weeks MC wooohooo! this means i get to spend more time with my babygirl!

i have removed the stitches on 13 december 2011 and this is how it looks like. just a teeny weeny incision and hopefully it will leave little or no scar at all.

the alcohol prep to be applied every time after bath to help it heal and dry faster.

it was one experience that i will never forget and i hope i will never have to go for another surgery, ever. when i was in so much pain, i questioned, "WHY ME?" but i soon realized that this is just a small test as compared to other less fortunate people who had to go through major operations. that definitely kept me grounded.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

i need strength

i start work today after a two month maternity leave and it is the worst feeling ever. now i know how every mother feels like when having to leave their babies in the care of someone else. if that someone else is a family member e.g mother, mother in law, aunt, relative it would be a different story but leaving your baby in the care of a total stranger is a different story and a different feeling altogether. of course it's someone we trust but the feeling is still not the same.
i was a complete waterworks since last night when it really dawned on me that i no longer have the luxury of spending every single minute with my baby. when i looked at her face, my tears came by and in fact i'm getting watery eyed as i type this. *sigh* it is such a heavy feeling but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Irene at two months young on 1 Muharram. i'm gonna stop now before the waterworks start!

Monday, October 31, 2011

the birth of Irene Dalia Rizal

i've been meaning to write this post but it has been in my draft folder for quite some time. i only managed to update bit by bit. anyway, she is already 1 month and 4 days today but it is never too late to write about my birth experience as it is still fresh in my memory and it will always be. so here goes.

Assuming that she was conceived at Prince Hotel on the 8th or 9th January 2011, she was born in Prince Court Medical Center (PCMC) on 27th September 2011. Her due date was 29th September 2011 but she decided to make her grand debut two days earlier than the due date.

It all started on the morning of 26th September 2011. It was about 4am when i woke up and went to the toilet. I noticed a stain on my pantyliner. I've read that if you notice a stain (brownish/bloody discharge) it could be a sign of an early labor. however i just brushed it off as i did not feel any contractions. i went back to bed and tried to get back to sleep. but i can't. my mind has started to wonder, could it be a sign? i tossed and turned until azan subuh and i felt something down there. nope, not a trickle or a gush of water but it felt like when you're having your period. i went to the toilet again and saw bloody stain on my pantyliner. oh my! i panicked a bit and i woke my husband up and told him. he asked me, 'so macamana? u nak pergi kerja dulu ke camne?' what the? no way i'm going to the office kan?? i told him that perhaps we should go to the hospital. i texted my parents who were in Sabah for my brother's wedding reception. i also texted my sis. after making myself a mug of Anmum Materna and Milo for hubby, we then left the house at about 645am. i told hubby that it's best that we leave early before the morning rush. we then checked in at the hospital and i was asked to go straight to the labor room.

i must admit that it is kinda scary seeing all the machines beside me. alhamdulillah i have never been admitted to any hospital before so seeing all these machines and gadgets did make me nervous. in addition, i was nervous thinking about giving birth itself. a nurse then checked (by checked, i mean 'seluk') to see if i have dilated. now i know what and how 'seluk' feels like! oh, i was once 'seluk-ed' by my gynae during the 38 weeks check up. it was not exactly painful but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable feeling i've ever had. of course, i hated it when being 'seluk-ed'! the nurse said that i was 2cm dilated and after confirming with the doctor, she said that i can be admitted straight away.

luckily they did not ask us to go home and return later when the contractions are regular. traffic in KL itself is unpredictable so i'd rather get stuck at the hospital than elsewhere. i was then asked to fill in some forms.
then they served me breakfast. after that i went down and accompanied hubby to have his breakfast. after that, we just chilled in the labour room.

my parents were supposed to stay in KK until Wednesday but they took a flight back on Monday upon hearing that i was admitted. they arrived at PCMC at about 5pm. by this time, i was transferred to the normal room because i was not in active labor yet.

later at about 8ish i went to have a walk around the hospital to help ease labor and to help dilate. my sis told me to go and walk around and don't just sit or lie down.

in between walks, i had to stop every time the contraction comes. i had to hold my kain so that it does not fall down. seriously, until today i still have no idea how to tie a kain batik! i tied with a rubber band and also used a pin to keep it together. hmpph. at about 11ish, the contractions became regular and it started to become unbearable that i called the nurse. after being seluk-ed yet again and being given the medicine to move the bowel, eventually, i was wheeled into the labor room at 1am. i was about 4cm dilated then (ONLY??). then the nurse gave me an injection called pethidine i think, which was given on my butt/thigh area and i managed to sleep for a few hours.
i then woke up probably around subuh when the contractions were becoming intolerable and unbearable. i told hubby, that's it, i want epidural. the nurse seluk-ed me again and i was only 6cm dilated OMG. all these hours and only 6 freaking cm?? you gotta be kidding me right?

this was when epidural was being administered. actually one has to be seated for it to be done but i just couldn't bring myself to sit up. it was just too painful that i clung on the side of the bed. i heard all the fuss, all the noise but i did not open my eyes at all. i just let them do whatever they're supposed to do. hubby was asked to read the disclaimer/consent form to me and i scolded him because i felt annoyed. i didn't know that he was supposed to read it aloud to me LOL. i heard the anesthesiologist said that sometimes the epidural won't work if it's being administered sideways but he said he'll do it anyway since i can't bring myself to sit up. i felt whatever was being done to me and after seeing this pic, then only i know how the anesthesiologist look like. after the epidural, it was like a miracle. phewww! why didn't i take it earlier?? (knocked myself on the head). after the epidural, i felt really cold that i started to shiver. i also felt a bit nauseous. even though i could not feel the contractions, i can still feel the pressure waist down. at about 7am, the doctor came and broke my water and said that the baby has pooped inside the womb and it is a sign of fetal distress and the baby's heart rate may slow down or drop. she asked if i wanted to go for c-section but i refused.

at about 1pm the nurse came and seluk-ed me and she said 'alhamdulillah, dah 9 cm!" i was soooo relieved upon hearing that. it means that i will be delivering soon. at about 1ish, the doctor and nurses came and they started prepping the room. they pulled out the place for you to put your legs on and they prepared the area for the baby. i was nervous yet anxious and i told myself, ok this is it! it all happened so fast.

i then started pushing with the assistance of the nurse who told me when to push and when the contractions are coming since i can't feel it due to the epidural. hubby was asked to support my head. there was also two handles for me to hold on when pushing. kinda reminded me of those handles that you see on rides at amusement parks. hubby also helped to count and at the same time he was in awe and amazed at the whole process that he hardly supported my head, which resulted in my neck feeling strained. at one point, i scolded him (again) and said, "you support la kepala i!!" ohhh my poor hubby hehe. after several pushes, the baby still did not pop out. hubby said "dah nampak kepala dah!" the doctor and nurses said "good job! you're doing good" and all those words of encouragement. however the baby's head kinda got stuck at the 'door'. at one point i even said to the doctor and nurses, "kalau good then kenapa tak keluar2 jugak??" after several more pushes, the baby still did not pop so the doctor said that if by the next pushes the baby is still not out, she will have to assist with vacuum. hubby and i said ok. i mean, whatever, i just want the baby out already! the next minute, the doctor used a kiwi vacuum and i moments later the baby was put on my chest. the moment the baby was put on my chest, both hubby and i broke into tears. phew~

btw the pediatrician was already on stand by because the baby has pooped inside the womb. hubby did not cut the umbilical cord as everything happened so fast and the next minute, they brought the baby to the baby area and the pediatrician immediately checked on her to make sure that the baby did not swallow the poop. after the pediatrician has checked and sucked whatever it is in her mouth and nose, then only we heard the first cry, which was music to our ears. by this time, i couldn't care less what was happening 'down there' but i can feel the placenta being birthed which felt like warm gush of liquid. the doctor then stitched me up. i can't exactly feel it but i can feel the tugging all right. i asked the doctor how many stitches but she simply answered, "don't worry, not many." ok whatever.

while the baby was being cleaned, a few nurses also helped clean me up, change my gown and wiped my body. hubby then azan the baby and after everything was done, she was finally put in my arms. i can't believe i am holding my own flesh and blood. it was overwhelming. when both of us are ready, i was wheeled back into my room. i felt very very tired that no words can describe it. i can't even bring myself to hold a piece of kurma, which i ate just before being wheeled back. my parents and hubby's godfather were waiting in the room and they asked me to eat and drink but i was too weak to even hold the sandwich. i can hear their conversation but i was too weak to open my eyes. i had some red spots on my face due to the strain i put on my face when i push. apparently the tiny blood vessels popped when i pushed. thankfully they subsided in a few days.

my parents checking out their brand new granddaughter. they now have a pair of grandchildren, one boy (my sister's child) and mine, a girl.

so there goes my birth story. Irene Dalia Rizal binti Mohamad Rizal was safely born on Tuesday, 27th September 2011, weighing in at 2.93kg and 48cm at 2.17 p.m.

It was not really an easy delivery and not quite an easy pregnancy, especially in the first trimester but all i can say is alhamdulillah, praise to Allah for giving me this opportunity to experience all this and for giving us a healthy baby girl, our own flesh and blood. we are now a little family.