i need strength

i start work today after a two month maternity leave and it is the worst feeling ever. now i know how every mother feels like when having to leave their babies in the care of someone else. if that someone else is a family member e.g mother, mother in law, aunt, relative it would be a different story but leaving your baby in the care of a total stranger is a different story and a different feeling altogether. of course it's someone we trust but the feeling is still not the same.

i was a complete waterworks since last night when it really dawned on me that i no longer have the luxury of spending every single minute with my baby. when i looked at her face, my tears came by and in fact i'm getting watery eyed as i type this. *sigh* it is such a heavy feeling but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Irene at two months young on 1 Muharram. i'm gonna stop now before the waterworks start!

the birth of Irene Dalia Rizal

i've been meaning to write this post but it has been in my draft folder for quite some time. i only managed to update bit by bit. anyway, she is already 1 month and 4 days today but it is never too late to write about my birth experience as it is still fresh in my memory and it will always be. so here goes.

Assuming that she was conceived at Prince Hotel on the 8th or 9th January 2011, she was born in Prince Court Medical Center (PCMC) on 27th September 2011. Her due date was 29th September 2011 but she decided to make her grand debut two days earlier than the due date.

It all started on the morning of 26th September 2011. It was about 4am when i woke up and went to the toilet. I noticed a stain on my pantyliner. I've read that if you notice a stain (brownish/bloody discharge) it could be a sign of an early labor. however i just brushed it off as i did not feel any contractions. i went back to bed and tried to get back to sleep. but i can't. my mind has started to wonder, could it be a sign? i tossed and turned until azan subuh and i felt something down there. nope, not a trickle or a gush of water but it felt like when you're having your period. i went to the toilet again and saw bloody stain on my pantyliner. oh my! i panicked a bit and i woke my husband up and told him. he asked me, 'so macamana? u nak pergi kerja dulu ke camne?' what the? no way i'm going to the office kan?? i told him that perhaps we should go to the hospital. i texted my parents who were in Sabah for my brother's wedding reception. i also texted my sis. after making myself a mug of Anmum Materna and Milo for hubby, we then left the house at about 645am. i told hubby that it's best that we leave early before the morning rush. we then checked in at the hospital and i was asked to go straight to the labor room.

i must admit that it is kinda scary seeing all the machines beside me. alhamdulillah i have never been admitted to any hospital before so seeing all these machines and gadgets did make me nervous. in addition, i was nervous thinking about giving birth itself. a nurse then checked (by checked, i mean 'seluk') to see if i have dilated. now i know what and how 'seluk' feels like! oh, i was once 'seluk-ed' by my gynae during the 38 weeks check up. it was not exactly painful but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable feeling i've ever had. of course, i hated it when being 'seluk-ed'! the nurse said that i was 2cm dilated and after confirming with the doctor, she said that i can be admitted straight away.

luckily they did not ask us to go home and return later when the contractions are regular. traffic in KL itself is unpredictable so i'd rather get stuck at the hospital than elsewhere. i was then asked to fill in some forms.

then they served me breakfast. after that i went down and accompanied hubby to have his breakfast. after that, we just chilled in the labour room.

my parents were supposed to stay in KK until Wednesday but they took a flight back on Monday upon hearing that i was admitted. they arrived at PCMC at about 5pm. by this time, i was transferred to the normal room because i was not in active labor yet.

later at about 8ish i went to have a walk around the hospital to help ease labor and to help dilate. my sis told me to go and walk around and don't just sit or lie down.



in between walks, i had to stop every time the contraction comes. i had to hold my kain so that it does not fall down. seriously, until today i still have no idea how to tie a kain batik! i tied with a rubber band and also used a pin to keep it together. hmpph. at about 11ish, the contractions became regular and it started to become unbearable that i called the nurse. after being seluk-ed yet again and being given the medicine to move the bowel, eventually, i was wheeled into the labor room at 1am. i was about 4cm dilated then (ONLY??). then the nurse gave me an injection called pethidine i think, which was given on my butt/thigh area and i managed to sleep for a few hours.
i then woke up probably around subuh when the contractions were becoming intolerable and unbearable. i told hubby, that's it, i want epidural. the nurse seluk-ed me again and i was only 6cm dilated OMG. all these hours and only 6 freaking cm?? you gotta be kidding me right?

this was when epidural was being administered. actually one has to be seated for it to be done but i just couldn't bring myself to sit up. it was just too painful that i clung on the side of the bed. i heard all the fuss, all the noise but i did not open my eyes at all. i just let them do whatever they're supposed to do. hubby was asked to read the disclaimer/consent form to me and i scolded him because i felt annoyed. i didn't know that he was supposed to read it aloud to me LOL. i heard the anesthesiologist said that sometimes the epidural won't work if it's being administered sideways but he said he'll do it anyway since i can't bring myself to sit up. i felt whatever was being done to me and after seeing this pic, then only i know how the anesthesiologist look like. after the epidural, it was like a miracle. phewww! why didn't i take it earlier?? (knocked myself on the head). after the epidural, i felt really cold that i started to shiver. i also felt a bit nauseous. even though i could not feel the contractions, i can still feel the pressure waist down. at about 7am, the doctor came and broke my water and said that the baby has pooped inside the womb and it is a sign of fetal distress and the baby's heart rate may slow down or drop. she asked if i wanted to go for c-section but i refused.

at about 1pm the nurse came and seluk-ed me and she said 'alhamdulillah, dah 9 cm!" i was soooo relieved upon hearing that. it means that i will be delivering soon. at about 1ish, the doctor and nurses came and they started prepping the room. they pulled out the place for you to put your legs on and they prepared the area for the baby. i was nervous yet anxious and i told myself, ok this is it! it all happened so fast.

i then started pushing with the assistance of the nurse who told me when to push and when the contractions are coming since i can't feel it due to the epidural. hubby was asked to support my head. there was also two handles for me to hold on when pushing. kinda reminded me of those handles that you see on rides at amusement parks. hubby also helped to count and at the same time he was in awe and amazed at the whole process that he hardly supported my head, which resulted in my neck feeling strained. at one point, i scolded him (again) and said, "you support la kepala i!!" ohhh my poor hubby hehe. after several pushes, the baby still did not pop out. hubby said "dah nampak kepala dah!" the doctor and nurses said "good job! you're doing good" and all those words of encouragement. however the baby's head kinda got stuck at the 'door'. at one point i even said to the doctor and nurses, "kalau good then kenapa tak keluar2 jugak??" after several more pushes, the baby still did not pop so the doctor said that if by the next pushes the baby is still not out, she will have to assist with vacuum. hubby and i said ok. i mean, whatever, i just want the baby out already! the next minute, the doctor used a kiwi vacuum and i moments later the baby was put on my chest. the moment the baby was put on my chest, both hubby and i broke into tears. phew~

btw the pediatrician was already on stand by because the baby has pooped inside the womb. hubby did not cut the umbilical cord as everything happened so fast and the next minute, they brought the baby to the baby area and the pediatrician immediately checked on her to make sure that the baby did not swallow the poop. after the pediatrician has checked and sucked whatever it is in her mouth and nose, then only we heard the first cry, which was music to our ears. by this time, i couldn't care less what was happening 'down there' but i can feel the placenta being birthed which felt like warm gush of liquid. the doctor then stitched me up. i can't exactly feel it but i can feel the tugging all right. i asked the doctor how many stitches but she simply answered, "don't worry, not many." ok whatever.

while the baby was being cleaned, a few nurses also helped clean me up, change my gown and wiped my body. hubby then azan the baby and after everything was done, she was finally put in my arms. i can't believe i am holding my own flesh and blood. it was overwhelming. when both of us are ready, i was wheeled back into my room. i felt very very tired that no words can describe it. i can't even bring myself to hold a piece of kurma, which i ate just before being wheeled back. my parents and hubby's godfather were waiting in the room and they asked me to eat and drink but i was too weak to even hold the sandwich. i can hear their conversation but i was too weak to open my eyes. i had some red spots on my face due to the strain i put on my face when i push. apparently the tiny blood vessels popped when i pushed. thankfully they subsided in a few days.

my parents checking out their brand new granddaughter. they now have a pair of grandchildren, one boy (my sister's child) and mine, a girl.

so there goes my birth story. Irene Dalia Rizal binti Mohamad Rizal was safely born on Tuesday, 27th September 2011, weighing in at 2.93kg and 48cm at 2.17 p.m.

It was not really an easy delivery and not quite an easy pregnancy, especially in the first trimester but all i can say is alhamdulillah, praise to Allah for giving me this opportunity to experience all this and for giving us a healthy baby girl, our own flesh and blood. we are now a little family.

the waiting game

glitter-graphics.com

As much as I love being pregnant (what with the extra attention I get, people & strangers being extra nice to me, the compliments that I receive for having that 'pregnancy glow', hubby being extra nice & attentive to me, having strangers look & smile at me for no reason, having people being concerned about me) it will soon be over in about a week (plus minus) or so.
On Tuesday during check up, the baby's head has yet to engage so we shall see when the baby decides to make her debut into the world. Whatever it is, i just hope that when it happens, I am at home or at least with Hubby. I've been walking a lot as it is known to help ease delivery. I plan to go for a normal delivery and see if i can tolerate the pain without the aid of medication.
I will still be working next week as I intend to let nature take its course and wait until the very day. I've informed my Boss about this and I told him I intend to stay at the office. I mean, you can't expect me to drive all the way to Shah Alam Courts in my 39th week, right?
Whatever it is, we can only plan, pray & hope for the best and that is all I can do, am doing and will do. Allah is great and He has decided everything so come what may.

raya project part 2

one fine raya evening, i was bored and thought of making something. i raided the freezer and found a puff pastry which was bought a long time ago. checked the expiry date and it was still ok so i decided to make something out of it.

puff pastry

i read the pastry's instructions and it said to put in any fillings that you want, which includes chocolate chips. so i raided the kitchen cabinet and found chocolate chips and almond nibs which was supposed to be made into chocolate chip cookies.

i mixed the two ingredients in a bowl.

then i stuffed them into a puff pastry and folded them into such a shape.

i am sure you noticed that they are not of the same size. this is because i simply did it. i baked them in a preheated oven until they are golden brown.

there was some leftover chocolate icing in the fridge so i melted them and poured them onto the pastry. i also dusted some icing sugar on them.

as for the rest of the puff pastry, i decided to do something savoury so i boiled some sausages in the microwave and cut the pastry into halves, diagonally.

after the sausages are cooked, i cut them into half and rolled them into the puff pastry and arranged them on a tray. i then brushed them with egg.

bake until golden brown.

tea time snack. one is sweet, one is savoury. next time i want to try a different filling.

try as you may

i am a contest junkie and as long as there are contests out there, i love to enter. be it online, in newspapers, in magazines, on radios. if i am interested in the prizes and i think it's not that difficult to win, i will try my best to win. sometimes i win, sometimes i lose.
recently i entered an online contest organized by Cadbury. the grand prize was a trip for two to London & Paris, with spending money. hoo boy. i submitted but i did not even win the consolation prize. never mind. no luck there.
then i entered a contest on mix.fm and won myself RM150 Subway vouchers.

another contest that i entered online was held by Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa on their fb page. i won 5th prize, which is a buffet hi-tea for two at Atrium Cafe. of course i was hoping for the top three prizes because they are hotel stays but at least i did not walk away empty handed. i've received a call from Sunway Hotel's representative to confirm my details and i hope i get the buffet hi-tea vouchers soon (or at least before i deliver).
sometime before raya, i stumbled upon a blog and the blog owner held a contest for a custom-made minted cards. i simply submitted and hey, i won! check it out on the link below.
http://shaelaiza.blogspot.com/2011/08/minted-giveaway-winner.html
you see, once you start to win something, you will be more and more interested and eager to enter more and more contests. yeah i entered a Dutch Lady contest, a Nescafe contest, Tropicana Twister contest. you name it, i probably have submitted my entry. no harm in trying, right?

raya project part 1

for this year's raya, i decided to try something different. apart from baking the usual carrot cake for raya, i decided to make trifle.

at first i wanted to make creme caramel but i already bought the ingredients to make trifle. so creme caramel shall be put on hold. trifle is really easy to make. i made it on the eve of raya.

first, mix 3 tablespoons of custard powder with 2 tablespoons sugar and 3 cups of fresh milk. cook on low fire until it thickens. make sure to stir it constantly to prevent it from curdling.

at the same time, prepare instant jelly. there are a lot of brands out there. prepare it according to the instructions. i used strawberry flavoured jelly.

go to your nearest bakery and buy a swiss roll cake. it is up to you to use whatever flavour you want but i'd prefer vanilla than chocolate or pandan or orange. but that day, only chocolate and pandan was available so we bought chocolate.

fruit cocktail. after you have arranged the swiss roll cake in the dish, drench the cake with the syrup.

then pour the custard mixture evenly on the cake.


*edited-after you have poured the custard mixture, scatter some of the fruits on the mixture.

repeat the process until you have used up all the ingredients and lastly pour the jelly on top.

it is best that you use a see through dish so you can see the layers (even though they may not be that neat/pretty). cover with cling film and refrigerate before serving.

trifle served on the first day of raya. i did not get to eat much of my trifle on the first day of raya because i was too busy entertaining and cleaning up and whatnot. i only managed to taste a bit, which was given by my lil bro. lil bro also loved it and requested me to make it for the second time. this time, i bought a butter block cake to substitute with the swiss roll cake because i could not find a vanilla swiss roll cake.

today can eat puas-puas!